Michael Owen's Cheeky Accumulator

I wrote this after Spain beat Germany in the semi-final. I put a fiver on Spain winning the World Cup before it started so I've still got a chance of winning £25. And when one of your sources of income is writing poems, you need all the extra help you can get. I quite like betting on football, I've probably won more than I've lost. At the end of last season I won £18 on an accumulator and bought a new pair of trousers. Gambling is useful for me. But I don't understand why people bet when they are already millionaires. There's a few footballers who love gambling on horses, including Michael Owen. This is a poem about him.



Michael Owen's Cheeky Accumulator
I don't understand why you gamble
I don't know how much you earned at Liverpool
and Real Madrid and in your sponsorship deals with Umbro
and Jaguar and Pro Evolution Soccer

and Persil
but I guess you earn more in a year
than everyone in my cul de sac, put together
earn in a lifetime.

So I don't understand why I saw you the other day
at Victoria station
at the bottom of the escalators
and although it was impresive to see you with a mouth organ

and a guitar, and cowbells on your shoes
and a drumkit on your back
do you really need loose change
from commuters and tourists?

We all saw you on Deal or no Deal
why did you go on that?
You were wearing a fake beard
and we could all see the elastic holding it on

but there was something about the smug way
you kept saying 'No deal, Noel'
that turned the studio audience against you.
You just love to gamble

and I guess it must be hard to recreate the euphoria
of when you scored that goal against Argentina
and the whole of England assumed
you were going to win the World Cup on your own

but when the rest of the country were cheering you on
immediately I worried about your hamstrings.
Because life is more than taking on four defenders and then scoring
once the crowd have gone home

and have stopped wearing your replica shirt
and the post match interviews are done
life can be boring
and when your horse comes in at Cheltenham

it doesn't matter how much you win
it won't make your Cruciate Ligaments any better.